Linda's Blog

Link to my new blog!

http://lindaoxford.tumblr.com/

A new blog for a new me :). It already has stuff on it, but I’ve just forgotten about it, but here it is, and a piece.

Disarray

You come around and make me feel like no other. You leave and won’t be heard from for weeks. Everyone else seems to see the true side of you, but I just don’t wanna see. Blindness has never made me feel such vanity. Everytime I turn my back, I end up coming back to the same place, starting all over again. Crossroads have never made me feel so at home. I come around to make you forget. I leave only to be struck down again.

An Enthusiast’s Drive

There’s just something about this little feeling inside of me.

It seems to want to take over and grab ahold of everything.

Shut your mouth and I’ll do the rest.

Close the door and only two will know what it takes to sitr up some extortion.

Each little precious button will soon be lost and never to be seen again.

Don’t worry about it now, we’ve already gone too far to take it back.

But who cares, this feeling is going to come out sooner or later.

Without stuttering for a second we will

Swiftly remove articles of our minds and angelic words.

No one ever said having this much fun would be simple.

Inseparable Blight

She finds herself lying in a place that seems so nameless even though it should be habitual by now.

Looking out past the trees trying to remember how she got there, she finds herself in the arms of another that cannot seem to let go.

Appearing flawless, and secretly hiding her self erradiction through devious looks and blank eyes, the words spoken are hardly clean.

But it would be so hopless to believe that anything will ever be quite as pristine as before.

Her actions will have stained this whole place, and this place will have captured her sincere candor.

The closest thing she has ever felt to a shelter and it will defile the best of her.

Temptation Overdrive

I can’t turn down this adventure, I’m far too weak, I have to give in.

This trouble can only take us on an undetermined path with no end.

No one knows what sins and corruption will find us when we get there

But hey it’s all about new experiences right?

Divulging into this distortion, what the hell are we thinking?

Just shut up and enjoy the ride to a night you’ll never forget;

Here there are no vestal diversions to lead us in the right direction.

Looking at the floor trying to control this urge,

But I must succumb to this provocation.

I know you are suffering to, our appeal for delinquent enticements take over

and make us so foolish when such attracting disasters are exhibited so beautifully.

You try to hold down your cravings while I taunt you with sly looks.

I’ll never give you the rapture that you’ve been waiting so long for.

You’ll have to satisfy your rotten hunger somewhere else.

On the brink of breaking down, we still stay in such a faithless place,

Up to no good, we never are.

Drugged up on this morbid inducement, let’s see who can last the longest.

Uncomprehensible

You have everything in front of you, and everything that I wish I could have.

Yet you take each gift as a burden and don’t realize how easy it is for you.

You don’t know how it makes me feel, and you’ll never understand.

But then again, I’ll never understand why you get everything, and I silently follow behind.

Being the quiet one isn’t so bad, at least I gain a perspective of everything you’re blind to.

Ignorance is…

Followed shamelessly, how am I supposed to forget everything just like that.

Take out your mementos and try to remember the plastic realism you lived.

Sitting condemned and gripping the wheel, with no idea what the hell you were going to say but you show up anyway.

Coming up with empty explanations, too scared to turn over your cards, knowing it’s a lose-lose situation.

Ignoring the whispers, you’ve tried to make yourself oblivious for too long, and now it’s all coming back.

After all, taking the truth has never been one your best suits.

Driving away recklessly now, trying to ignore what you’ve just seen.

The worst part is that you know that I’ll be alright, while you’re spiraling towards your downfall.

The ignorance is surely making you blissful now.

Following me shamelessly how are you supposed to forget everything just like that.

Unveiled

Go ahead and open up the door that lets in the shadows that you fear.

They will chase down all of your clandestine memories, and grab ahold of all

of the things you’ve done.

But don’t even try to escape and bury those notorious things you’ve tried so hard to hide.

In your twisted world, you’ve been oblivious to anything that intrudes on your pathetic utopia.

But the reality check will come after you, and you can’t hide from it.

You try to close your eyes and shut away everything screaming at you all at once,

but those monsters will open up your eyes, reminding you that there’s no escape.

They can see through your sheer invisibility, and all you can do is let go.

Once everything comes out, perhaps you can sleep without regret, and dream without the stains of shame haunting you.

So, go ahead.

Let the shadows in.

They will wash away the muddled pereceptions you’ve built to blind others that are hollow and voiceless.

Unearthing the Chords of Harmony

Take off these bandages.

The wounds have healed.

I still contain the stitches from your twisted lacerations,

but you never tore me into pieces.

You don’t see it but I’m enjoying the liberty

that you would’ve never given me.

I can finally feel the redemption warming up my fingertips,

and I’m no longer ashamed to reveal it.

This retribution brings back the intoxication of jubilance.

I can’t help but smile as I immerse myself into this illumination.

You don’t realize this but, I’ve finally learned that

you’re just a stain that will be erased soon enough.

My vivacity consumes the catastrophe you created.

Uncovering the Restraints

For the first time, you’ll get to read the first chapter of Broken Threads. I’m scared but happy I’m revealing it for the first time.

-1-

I woke up abruptly from the bright light peering through the blinds. Waking up in an apartment shattered from the dreaded memories I wish I could forget. The walls are full of lies and secrets, and betray me; I knew everything they were thinking. They can’t see me, but they can hear me. My eyes were aching to stay closed, but I knew what was in store for me that day. As I got up slowly and crept towards the mirror her face flashed into my mind. I remember touching her cheek, full of tears, the last time I saw her. We were standing in the middle of all that destruction and she had to leave to go into the new world full of empty and callous perjury. I wish they didn’t have to choose her, but I knew she was the one for the operation. I sighed and washed my face in the pathetic porcelain sink, and picked out my suit from the closet. I struggled putting on my tie, never learning how to do it properly, and put on dress shoes that were almost dying of abandonment under the bed. I took out the papers and put them in the black leather suitcase, hoping that it would it help. Everything was ready, except for me. I nervously looked back into the mirror and saw her reminder tucked in the corner from the last time she was here. Her neat hand writing full of promise read: “Never forget the words we breathed to each other. We laugh in the face of the destruction that surrounds us. The only thing that is everlasting is us. Our feelings are evermore, not them.”I stared sadly at the note, realized that it was time to go. I picked up the suitcase and closed the door behind me, and locked it in three places. As I walked quietly down the stairs I could hear the muffled cries and despair throughout the walls, deeply disturbed by the trueness of it all. We were all filled with the lies from the supposed authority that had gone missing and turned into an unknown ruling full of exploitation and artificial beliefs. I finally walked out into the street, stepping over black puddles and walking over the jagged stones that covered the road. The blue sky was full of smoke and the air smelled of desperation and demise. This town wasn’t always like this though; there was a time when the streets were bustling with tourists, and people running around as though they had all the time in the world.

After several minutes of remembrance and being absentminded, I finally arrived at the gawky brick building. The door was barely on its hinges, and had a faded red coloring to it, but opened quietly and gently as I turned the knob. My eyes were struggling to see into the large and dark room, but I could hear a gruff voice speaking to me, slightly quiescent.

“Mr. Avery?” the voice said. I didn’t say anything for a moment and finally cleared my throat unnecessarily, and responded hesitatingly.

“Yes, I’m here for Mr. Beal. He said he could help”.

As my eyes finally adjusted to the darkness, I could see a tall man around my age, looking at me with a concerned look in his brow. For a moment he didn’t respond, and stared at me with his hazel untrustworthy eyes, and beckoned me to follow him up the large white stairs. I remember it being one of the longest and awkward walks I’ve ever had going upstairs, because no words were exchanged and each step would shrill at us with a tormenting tenor. After what seemed like hours, the man opened a large oak door with a carved lion in the middle. Inside was a bright room filled with large lights, and walls covered with bookshelves full of scattered literature that would surely be taken away if the black guard had found it. A man with light brown hair and seraphic eyes was sitting at a desk, sitting back in a large blue chair with his arms beckoned out towards me.

“Ah, Mr. Avery, I’ve been waiting for this time to come. You have the required paperwork?” Mr. Beal asked me as though this situation was perfunctory for him. The door closed behind me and I stepped forward and shook his hand, and responded,

“Yes I do. Now, I hope you don’t mind me asking but are you sure you’re the best? I’ve dealt with crooked businessmen before and I don’t have the patience to negotiate with another one.” I told Mr. Beal coolly, but with cordiality.

Mr. Beal looked at me with a smirk on his face, and said “Yes I’m sure, and I assure you, you won’t regret this negotiation”.

I sat down in a black wooden chair, and put the briefcase on the table. Mr. Beal’s smirk disappeared, and turned the briefcase towards him and opened the hinges, with an impressed look. He flipped through the documents with hidden dismay, and saw the bills sitting on the bottom. He picked up the bills, and counted them as he turned them quickly, and shut the briefcase. Mr. Beal looked up from the briefcase slowly and looked up at me, looking slightly bothered. He knew why I came, and I could tell that he had regretted agreeing to this meeting. He opened his mouth and closed it again, trying to spill out the words from his startled and scattered mind, afraid to breathe out any words.

Slowly, he said “Do you….Do you realize what this case means. This could end the dread, but it could also…destroy little we have left in this town.  This is going to take a lot of preparation to do, and some time. This is definitely not something to be rushed.”

Mr. Beal looked at me with great solicitude.

With distress I said, “I know. Trust me, I’ve been thinking about this carefully, and I know the consequences if it fails, but the time is right. This is the only time we can do it, and I can’t risk her life anymore. We’re so close, but I know something will go wrong if we don’t stop it.”

Mr. Beal nodded, and took the papers out of the case, but left the bills, while saying “I don’t want you to pay me. I’m taking this personally, and something like this doesn’t have a price.”He stood up and shook my hand and led me back to the oak door. Before he closed the door, no words were exchanged because we both knew what we were thinking.

I left the building and walked back down the street with something new to worry about. The air welcomed me with a cool wind that whispered sly assurances that didn’t make me feel any better. Each step I took crumbled the little pebbles covered in soot, and made inaudible sounds. In the distance, I could hear the cacophony of muffled screams and a car screeching away. I stared at the ground, attempting to be oblivious to the anguish someone was suffering, knowing that there was no one that could help them. In spite of the repulsion that had taken over the town, I kept reminding myself of the only thing that mattered:  Our time was being uncovered, and coming back to reclaim us.